dear diary, i am sad. yes. eventhough i laugh alot, loudly, but deep down inside, im sad and hurt. i know im not being a good friend. i know im not being a good person. i know im weak, i know im sensitive and emotional.. but what did i do to deserve this..?
to buffay, im sorry. im sorry for not acknowledging u last friday. was that why u backed out last minute..? was that why u went to shisha instead of coming to my place...? was that the reason..? because i hug azlin instead of hugging you..? tell me honestly.. im a shallow person so i see things on the surface.. unless you tell me, that is the reason i think why u backed out. i am sorry too if u found me always clinging to fauzie during the day we jalan raya. but didnt i have time for you too..? didnt we sit in the bus together..? didnt we walked together..? didnt i pamper u..? didnt i take drinks for you and give you kuih at the houses we went to..? didnt we take pictures and share jokes together..? but if u still think it wasnt enough, i apologise again. i didnt invite you just for the sake of inviting you along. im sorry if i have neglected you in any way or another. and ermm.. just to make a point, if u think i see u less in school, i see him lesser. yeah so, i hope u get what i mean.
why is it everytime i asked you out, you would say you already have plans..? not just you.. tribz too.. since last semester.. remember the last day of paper, i asked if you guys wanna go shisha together later that evening and you guys just turned it down flat.. why..? i begin to wonder.. am i not good company..? do i talk too much..? or laugh too loud..? or are you just embarassed to be seen to hang with me..?
to tribz, im sorry too. im sorry for asking azlin to ask you for your exam results on my behalf.. i know i shouldnt have done that. and im sorry for hurting your feelings unintentionally. it was merely just because since you guys are on the same polyclinic attachment together, i was thinking like.. "its on the way" kinda thing. she msged me asking about my results. and msgs were exchanged and i got to know you were on the same polyclinic attachment as her.. so i thought why not ask azlin to ask you together. if u know what i mean.
im no good with words but whatever it is.. i just want to apologise. i cant stop thinking about you guys. i mean.. yes, im being petty. i was angry and annoyed.. where have the 2 of you been..? so quiet.. never blog.. nvr msg me.. nvr call me.. and yes, i will have to msg you guys first before i can at least get to see your names in my inbox.. i was tired of always making the first move.. and u know that you are 1st two people i would msg if i have any news.. YOU WERE THE 1ST 2 PEOPLE I INVITED to my place yesterday. and i didnt invite azlin but in the end, azlin was the one who came.. you were also the 1st 2 people i asked for the mission thing in Bintan/Batam. i only msged the both of you. and you turned it down too.. they wanted ex-nurses for the mission and immediately, i thot of u. PL was the one who gave me the lobang.
my point have already been said. i think there's of no use elaborating further. we are all entitled to our own choices. and if by choice u choose not to forgive me then, i shall accept it. i dont know why but its hard..
dear diary, please tell me what to do. 1st week of school ended. and im having problems understanding lectures. my bestfriend is not sitting beside me anymore. and my other bestfriend thinks that im ditching her. PL is telling me to stop acting like i dont care but in truth, i do care. its just so hard when the pillars of my strength are tumbling down and they are pinning me. i just feel out of place and out of mind. we used to have girls day out when it was just the 3 of us. but now, i feel awkward in their presence. is it just me..? or is this an initial stage of stress disorder..? please pray for me like i've prayed for you.
god bless, bingz
2:00 AM,
come and sing along with us <3
YOUR'S TRULY;
tribz bingz buffay
don't bother to be nice,
cause we already hate you.
we don't need theraphy,
we have each other.
